9 Ways to Be There for a Friend, Without Giving Advice by Meg Selig

Some years after my decision to divorce, I thanked my parents for not pressuring me one way or the other on the “stay-or-go” issue. Making that hard decision myself really forced me to grow, I told them.
My dad replied, “We knew there would be pain whether you got divorced or didn’t. And we knew you had to choose that pain for yourself.”
That was the best advice I ever got—and it wasn’t exactly advice.

I think about this incident often, particularly when another adult asks me to give advice or when I’m nervy enough to butt in even without being asked. As fellow PT blogger Thomas Plante points out in a funny and insightful blog, giving advice can be fraught with peril. Some people react rebelliously and do the very thing you advised against. Others get defensive and attack you, leading to the bewildered reply, "I was only trying to help!” Still others ask for advice, but then tell you a million reasons why your suggestions won't work. Why the negative reactions? Plante points out that many people view advice as an infringement on their personal freedom or an attack on their competence.

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