FDF Confessional #1 (Kasey Render)

My family and I stopped using our pool when I was in high school. This was due to a combination of things. Part of it was us being lazy with the upkeep, part of it was due to an undiagnosed broken pump and another part was us having such easy access to a pool that we always pushed off going in it to another time. 

Growing up, most of my friends where in some sort of awe when I quietly said that I had a pool. Having a pool wasn't as common as I naively thought. I always wondered why having a pool meant so much to others. Then again I do remember seeing the joy in the eyes of kids going to the community pool in Richmond Heights during summer camp. To some, going inside of a pool is the equivalent of going on a field trip to a new city. Its uncharted territories. 

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In my younger days we had a few family gatherings at my house and the pool was always the focal point. Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and pets were all invited. We would supply the house and the food and the entertainment would come. Although family gatherings at my house were a rarity, I distinctly remember each moment as if they happened every weekend. The music would be playing in the background (99 Jamz to be exact) and everybody would be laughing and leaving their troubles at home. During our gatherings in the pool it was all about family. Without having gatherings, my family could go months if not years without seeing each other or communicating with each other directly. I didn't realize this at the moment, but the pool played peacemaker in my family. My family is one of the most loving families that you can be apart of. But like all families, we have our set of internal issues. There's lack of communication, egos, drug addiction, mental illness, baby daddy drama, pretty much any issue you can think of my family has seen it. At the end of the day, it's life. Its apart of what makes the world go round. You have your ups, you have your downs, but at the end of the day it is life and we are family. 

As I got older, I got in the pool less and family gatherings weren't as frequent. One of my aunts on my dad's side would host family gatherings at her house as well but she didn't have a pool. All of my attention in high school went to academics and basketball. There was absolutely no time for anything else. The pool in my backyard started to become a distant memory. It began to be a burden. It went from the feeling of "wow we are blessed with a pool" to "who is going to put chlorine in it every week? Who is going to vacuum the pool floor?" The pool slowly got added into our everyday problems. 

After graduating high school I went off to Orlando for college. I spent 5 years living in Orlando, and barely went in the pool there. Friends that I met in Orlando asked why I didn't get in as often and my answer was that I had a pool at home and it wasn't something that was new to me. I didn't say it or mean it in a negative "better than you" way. I was just so used to having one that I didn't get excited to go in it all the time away from home. Looking back on things I probably associated the negatives from owning a pool at home (chlorine, vacuuming, etc) to my experience in Orlando. 

Life hit a fast forward button and I ended up back home in Miami. Back to the house with the pool in the backyard. The pool that everyone asks about going in but can't because it was either super green, the pool floor was rough and dirty or the pump wasn't working. After about 6 months of being back home, my mom and dad got the pool pump fixed and the floor resurfaced. Even after that we were in such a habit of not going in that we had a beautiful blue pool with nobody attempting to go in until recently.

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I haven't been in my pool in over 5 years. The moment I got in I was overflowing with happiness and confidence. I have been the same Kasey Render since a child. I've used my innocent creativity and passion to create who I want to be. Now I'm back home in the place that raised me and nothing has changed but progress. This is when dreams become a reality. It happens right before your eyes. My life prepared me for who I am. Too often when we aren't happy with our lives or our current situation we tend to run away from our problems (most of time it is ourselves). We move to a new city in hopes of starting fresh. We change our look or the foundation of our makeup to fit the "status quo" in attempt to live the "American Dream". I went through heaven, hell and back only to realize that you must stay true to yourself at all times. Life will give you challenges and life will test you when you least expect it. But if you stick with your gut and remember who you are, you will find ultimate peace in your own skin, in your own home, in your own pool.