Living In A Dream S1 E1

"To arrive is to know that you have arrived."

Something about life makes a person extremely curious. We spend our whole lives trying to figure out what's going on around us. Every breath we take is a sense of awareness. Every touch we make is confirmation that we exist. 

To arrive is to know that you have arrived. How do you know when you are in heaven? I've stumbled and fell all of my life struggling to answer this question.

I began recording myself and the path that I wanted to take in life because I ultimately wanted to have an archive of footage to pass down to my children. I want to show them their father in the most honest fashion, that way they can trust my words even more when we have parent/child conversations. At the beginning of my recording process I admit, I was a little nervous. In real life I am reserved only "opening up" to people that know me and those that I trust. 

"Not saying that I am not myself in front of a camera"

I just didn't feel all the way comfortable giving the whole world all of me. This is evident in the first 30-40 videos that I recorded of myself. My confidence wasn't all the way there, which low key mirrored me as a young adult in real life. 2017 was a new transition year for me that I didn't fully adjust to yet. I was still trying to figure out and perfect my idea of my purpose in life, I was struggling to build a business that a lot of people were confused about. I chose a direction and the camera kept me on that path. It challenged me to be a man of my word because all of my actions were being documented. 

I am a constant work in progress...

My passion and focus on what I want to do in this world has interfered with a lot of my relationships with people. Being around a person like me can be very exhausting and annoying. It can be inspiring and motivating on one end but very redundant and self centered on the other. My biggest flaw and aspect in my life that I need to work on is balancing my personal life with my professional life. This new show that I made is a spin off of my show When Dreams Become A Reality. In WDBAR I am giving the world all of me in real time just showing the every day grind of trying to live the life of your dreams and going after it. Most people ignored those episodes and thought that I was doing too many episodes (I have over 140 episodes made).

"You're wasting your time!"

"Nobody is watching!"

"Are you making any money?"

In 2017 I sacrificed over $25,000 worth of immediate money that was desperately needed and still is. This is selfish. I understand and get it. I could have been spending my time on things that would give me a way better return on my investment in the moment. I selfishly sacrificed my time and money because there is a very powerful and clear vision in my head. I know that this has to be God leading the way because what would make an intelligent educated man turn down the obvious answer that everyone is saying is the better option for the moment? 2017 was the hardest year after the year before, which was the worst.

I hit my rock bottom.

Which meant that even though I was on the come up, I was still fragile and struggling. When you are at this stage in your life you have no choice but to believe in yourself and go all in. At the end of the day you are all that you are and all that you have. If you don't believe in yourself nobody will. In 2017 I believed in myself more than ever. I believed in myself so much that I had to convince myself with the camera EVERY DAY to force myself to get to where I needed to be mentally. This was the modern day man in the mirror. I had to own up to all of my flaws, show the world me, and put together the pieces of the puzzle on the spot. 

---

---

I went from seeing a dream turn into a reality, to living in a dream. 

I want to grow into a very humble and powerful man for my future children, wife and family. I want them to be confident in their provider and protector. I want to be experienced and wise so that I can lead from vivid stories of my past. I mean no harm with everything that I do and hope to help as many people as possible. I am not completely that person yet and have a lot more work to do but I'm trying. The video below is the first episode of my vision. If you have 10 minutes to spare, I would honestly really appreciate if you saw it. I'm just a young man trying to find a way to survive in this world. 

P.S. I want to give a special thanks to Sonya for being there for me through everything in 2017. I apologize for not being the best at reciprocating the effort and energy. I will continue to work on myself and get better at that. I just want you to know that I love you and appreciate everything you do and will be an improved man in 2018. Your support, love, comfort, patience, sacrifice, listening, understanding and generosity has helped me get through each day.  <3