The Power of Forgiveness by Tyler J. VanderWeele Ph.D. (www.psychologytoday.com)

We have all been hurt by others. Sometimes those wounds last for a long time.
It can be difficult to know how to deal with such hurts, or with those who have inflicted them. One approach is to bury and suppress the wounds, but often they then remain with us and re-emerge. Another approach is to let the wounds fester, to ruminate upon them and upon anger, and possibly seek revenge. Sometimes that revenge may help pacify one’s outrage; at other times it may not. An alternative approach to dealing with the hurts we all experience is forgiveness.

We might define “forgiveness” as the replacement of ill will towards an offender with goodwill. Conceived as such, forgiveness is distinct from excusing or condoning the action; it is distinct from reconciliation; and it does not require foregoing justice. Forgiveness does not entail ignoring issues of responsibility and accountability. One can forgive an offender and hope for his or her ultimate good, while also pursuing a just outcome. One can also forgive an offender without necessarily seeking a restored relationship. This point is especially important in cases, say, of repeated violence or abuse, wherein the ending of the relationship may be best for the victim and offender alike. Likewise, because forgiveness and reconciliation are not identical, one can also forgive even if the offender has passed away. In conflicts, often both parties are hurt, and forgiveness can be helpful in both directions.

Read More